Maybe you’re looking for the perfect new job, or you’re hoping to be able to at least HOLD the remote the next time the family watches Netflix. In either case, do you wish you could be a better negotiator? Whether you want more compensation at the office, you’re looking for better results with your business, or hoping for improvement in your personal life, being able to connect with the people around you is a vital skill we all need to hone. Today we’ll ask negotiation expert Mori Taheripour how she recommends we get the job done. Her answers may surprise you, as they did us when we first read her new book, Bring Yourself.
Plus, are you in the sandwich generation? What IS the “sandwich generation”? That means you’re caught in the middle supporting older parents and younger children at the same time. In today’s headlines segment, we’ll tackle a new study completed by online life insurance company Haven Life (they’re also a sponsor of our show). To help us make sense of it all we’ll ring up our friend Brittney Burgett and talk about how you can accomplish more while trying to take care of everyone else.
We’re mixing things up for today’s Haven Life Line: we’ll answer a question pooled from our Instagram surveys. You can keep up to date with our latest Instagram posts HERE. Adrianne wrote in with an important question for so many people these days about unemployment. She asks, will people already on unemployment before COVID-19 be eligible to receive the additional unemployment relief money? There’s more to the answer than you’d think, and we’ll share the results of our research on the topic during the segment.
As always, we’ll save time for a slice of Doug’s (national pastime inspired) trivia. Enjoy the show!
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- A BIG thanks to Britttney Burgett for talking with us today. You can find the piece we discussed here: What is the Sandwich Generation, and what does it want? (Haven Life)
- Coronavirus has dealerships moving to online sales — and car buying may never be the same (USA TODAY)
<21:10> Mori Taheripour: Becoming Better At Negotiation
You can find more from Mori at her site: Mori Taheripour
Looking for a copy of Mori’s book? You can order it here:
<43:57> Doug’s Trivia
- On this day in 1912 two major league baseball parks opened. One housed Joe’s hometown team, and the other had the Babe. Which two teams called the new stadiums home?
<52:46> Haven Life Line
Need life insurance? You could be insured in 20 minutes or less and build your family’s safety net for the future. Use StackingBenjamins.com/HavenLife to calculate how much you need and apply.
- Adrian wrote to us on Instagram with a great question: will people who were on unemployment BEFORE Covid-19 be getting the additional unemployment relief money? We had to do some digging but we found some answers we’ll share during the show.
Want the guys to answer your question? You can call into the Haven Life Line and get your question answered on-air HERE.
Join us Wednesday!
We talked negotiation today, and we’re keeping the week going strong with Wednesday’s topic: starting your business! We’re sitting down with Chris Krimitsos to find out all the insider information you’ll need before starting your journey as an entrepreneur.
Detailed Episode Notes (by Kevin Bailey):
Mori Taheripour – The Power of Negotiation and How to Succeed at it
Big idea: We are in an era where businesses as well as people must adapt to survive. One industry in particular that has had to dramatically shift its approach to how it operates is automobile dealers. With the quarantine preventing customers from browsing the lots and preventing employees from coming into work, dealerships have had to get creative to make up for lost traffic. They have turned to online demonstrations, sales, and service.
“This is going to fundamentally change how people view buying a car.”
“By the end of this year, you’re going to see 80%-90% of U.S. new car dealers with full e-commerce capability in their shops” to handle everything online but the test drive and — maybe — the final signature.
–Rhett Ricart, CEO of Ricart Automotive Group in Columbus, Ohio, and chairman of the National Auto Dealers Association.
In Michigan, the renewed stay-at-home order clears the way for more online vehicle sales after the previous order prohibited nearly all vehicle sales in the state. The new order allows: “Workers at motor vehicle dealerships who are necessary to facilitate remote and electronic sales or leases, or to deliver motor vehicles to customers, provided that showrooms remain closed to in-person traffic.”
In Joe’s view, many states are following similar guidelines. However, given his last two car buying experiences being 85% online, Joe feels that online car buying was a much more pleasant and efficient ordeal than going to the dealership…but Joe lives in his mom’s basement and doesn’t get out much, so take that with a grain of salt. In spite of Joe’s recluse-like perspective, it does seem plausible that, after the quarantine is lifted, online auto sales will be more common because customers have grown accustomed to doing transactions online.
Big Idea: “The sandwich generation refers to middle-aged individuals who are pressured to support both aging parents and growing children. The sandwich generation is named so because they are effectively “sandwiched” between the obligation to care for their aging parents––who may be ill, unable to perform various tasks, or in need of financial support––and children, who require financial, physical, and emotional support. The trends of increasing lifespans and having children at an older age have contributed to the sandwich generation phenomenon, as it has more societal acceptance for adult children to live at home or return home as with boomerang kids. “ (source)
Being torn in multiple directions – caring for young children and caring for (or proving mental/emotional wellbeing through frequent visits) aging parents is straining even the most resilient adults, and will be more so as their parents age and need more hands-on help. Joe added, quoting a 2013 Pew Research Center report states that nearly 50% of adults in their 40s or 50s had a parent age 65 or older and were simultaneously raising a young child or helping a grown child financially, with roughly 15% of middle-ages adults providing financial support to both – textbook Sandwich Generation.
Brittney shared that survey respondents indicated that many in the Sandwich Generation were struggling to save for retirement, in the midst of raising children as well as supporting older parents. In fact, 84% said that their retirement will be negatively impacted due to the competing demands of caring for both parents and children – by either adjusting retirement goals or forecasting not being able to retire at all.
In addition to their financial wellbeing, Joe pointed out that the Sandwich Generation could have their mental health affected, as well. The prolonged stress brought on by being responsible for both their children and parents takes a toll on those stuck in the middle. Brittney cited the survey done, and it revealed that 80% of the respondents report a sense of overwhelm often or constantly. Of those who reported feeling overwhelmed, the average frequency was five days per week. Those who took a hit to their finances also correlated to feeling overwhelmed.
All in all, those sandwiched in the middle of competing, but equally important, priorities are finding themselves stressed, worried, and possibly in financial trouble. Those who are in this situation must take care of themselves first in order to be able to help others.
Bring Yourself To Succeed At Your Next Negotiation
Mori Taheripour was kind enough to give us a buzz on Joe’s dad’s shortwave to chat with us. Her credentials speak for themselves: she’s a professor at The Wharton School of Business at University of Pennsylvania, has worked with clients like UPS, Wells Fargo, and the NFL Players Association…teaching them all how to negotiate successfully. Mori takes a holistic approach to how to negotiate, not just focus on tactics.
Negotiation does not only apply to haggling with a used car salesman, but rather can extend to many facets of life…from intimate family discussions to demonstrating to upper management why a raise/promotion is deserved. Knowing yourself is crucial when entering a negotiation – you must bring the best version of yourself into the negotiation. Being a curious person who wants to learn is always a good idea to convince others of your
Everybody wants to have meaningful conversations when something is important.
“Creating value out of these opportunities is what I became passionate about”
Taheripour goes on to clarify that skillful negotiation is about being genuine, not trying to be something that you’re not. Successful negotiation is not just about “winning” (implying that the other party loses), but rather defining what exactly you are hoping to accomplish, and finding a scenario where both parties walk away feeling accomplished. (“Think Win-Win” comes to mind, from “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”). Taheripour goes on to warn against the danger of “winning at all costs” – if the other party simply gives you what you want in order to end the interaction, did you really win? If the definition of “winning” is building strong long-term relationships, then no.
Joe goes on to mention the “bulldog negotiators” who are famous for bullying their way to the desired result, such as Drew Rosenhaus, who talks about getting everything he wants for his clients in his memoir. Joe extrapolates the concept further, stating that the most skilled negotiators are oftentimes the ones that we do not even see as negotiators, due to their sublime nature.
It’s All About Relationships
Building the relationship, trust, and rapport is a true win-win. Taheripour cites Bob Woolf, the great sports agent to counterbalance the scorched earth tactics of the bulldog negotiators: “His whole thing was, leave something on the table, and this isn’t about a short-term thing, this is going to be a long-term thing.” Although the bulldog tactics might be more famous, skilled negotiators who take the opposite route are oftentimes more effective and get better results.
Taheripour draws from her own experience when, early in her career, she was helping people with HIV in the Bay area. A young man who was practicing unsafe sex asked her pointblank, “…how long until it kills you?”, which caught her off guard. She told him the truth, with treatments, up to five to seven years, to which he responded, “that’s a really long time.” This was a complete shock and wakeup call for her, as it helped her to realize that every person’s perspective, lives, and journeys are completely unique. Negotiations are all about persuasion, and in order to persuade this man, she had to understand his journey. Understanding the other person is key to negotiating effectively. Through this understanding, when you want the other party to see your perspective, you know how to deliver the information in the most effective way to the other person.
Women can be just as good of negotiators as men, even though men generally are stereotypically viewed as better. Women tend to be much more focused on relationships and problem solving and have high degrees of emotional intelligence. This is in stark contrast to men, who generally do not wait for permission to negotiate and tend to take a more direct approach.
For those who believe they are poor negotiators, Mori says, “(For people pleasers), Negotiation is not necessarily a conflict, it’s a conversation.” If you habitually do not stand your ground and give in negotiations, you can start resenting the other person/people – which is dangerous, especially when it occurs with other family members.
When coming to the negotiating table, it is important to know your self-worth. Taheripour explains (when discussing unpaid work with students), “You can still get that experience and make some money, because I need you to appreciate what you’re bringing to the table.” Through instilling the sense of self-worth into her students, she is rewriting their sense of self and arming them to be powerful negotiators in their own lives. There are times when unpaid work is appropriate, but it should be viewed through the lens of strictly gaining experience. If you bring value to the table, it should be justly compensated.
Key Takeaway from the Book
According to Taheripour, the key to negotiating all starts with knowing yourself. Being conscious of your values, limit, skills, and what you contribute is paramount to successfully handling a negotiation. Only by recognizing your self worth entering the conversation can you be fully equipped to persuade to your point.
Joe recaps the lessons learned from the conversation with Mori Taheripour, thinking about not just who you’re negotiating for, but more importantly who you’re negotiating with.
Haven Life Line: Coronavirus Question
Q: “If we were on unemployment prior to COVID-19, are they going to be getting the $600 additional weekly for unemployment, and, if so, when?”
A: It is on a state-by-state basis. Since many more people are eligible, it is important to check directly with your state. Some gig-economy workers and others who did not qualify for unemployment previously are eligible. For those who are eligible, it is retroactive to March 29.
To hire a financial professional to be in your corner, O.G. and his team are taking clients. Visit StackingBenjamins.com/og to reach out and see about getting him on your team.