Pack hunting: You are who you hang around
Do you pick your friends wisely?
If you’ve ever followed the behavior of wolves or dolphins, you’ll understand why they’re successful hunters. Rather than going it alone, these animals pack hunt, attacking prey as a group.
When I was a young advisor, the head of our firm used one analogy over and over. He was adamant about the fact that he could sell pizza, dresses or financial plans if he had the right group of people. Pack hunting with the right group was the key to success.
Who was Al Gore’s roommate in college? Tommy Lee Jones.
Steve Balmer? Bill Gates.
Is it a wonder that the golden age of 20th century literature was the 1920s and Fitzgerald, Stein, Hemingway and others all knew each other in Paris?
Is it the educators at MIT that make it an incubator for many of the best ideas in America today, or is it the fact that you have so many like-minded people in close proximity?
I could continue, but you get the point: If you group a bunch of hard charging people together, the chance they all achieve success becomes greater. One “wolf” alone becomes more easily discouraged and has a hard time fighting off fear. But if people were around doing the same, difficult tasks, there was no telling what we could accomplish.
In the past I’ve read, but never really internalized, the old mantra that says that if you average your five closest friends salaries, that’s probably where your salary is. Colloquially, I know this is true for me. When I think about the people I hang out with, they’re people who’ve created and run companies, are bright engineers, financial pros or doctors who are at the top of their field.
So the key to success if you aren’t where you want to be in life?
Spend more time hanging out with people you want to emulate, not people who are like you, or people who have similar bad habits.
The problem, of course, is that changing friends isn’t just a flip of the switch, is it? It’s hard work to say goodbye to a group of people and to find new people to associate with. I’ve been there before. Here are some tips:
1) Join affinity groups. My brother is a sometimes frustrating entrepreneur. I continually tell him to find a group of people who are doing the same job he is and network with those people. He says he gets it, but refuses. Why? He believes, deep down, the same garbage that many people believe. He thinks in terms of “limited pie.” You know the deal….there’s only so much pie, and everyone wants a slice, so you guard yours so that nobody can touch it.
Sadly, my brother is stuck on the idea that he has proprietary knowledge and wants to move in areas that nobody else is moving in, so he avoids the pack. In short, he’s so busy protecting his pie that he refuses to network with everyone to find more.
The truth is, there’s enough pie for everyone.
If my brother had an unlimited pie mentality he’d realize that there is plenty of business for anyone who knows what they’re doing. You, too, can have what you want if you’re willing to sacrifice your crummy little piece of pie for a much bigger piece down the road.
2) Ask for help. Have you ever asked successful people for help? They all want to help. Find someone who’s been where you want to go and ask them to help you climb the ladder. You’ll be surprised by the response you receive. I think that every day when I ask people to appear on our podcast. It’s pretty amazing how giving people can be when you ask.
3) Find out what successful people do for fun and do it too. Biking and running groups are often populated by upwardly-mobile people. Take up running or biking. Join a health club in an affluent part of town.
4) Find people in related fields and create a mastermind group. Make sure that the people you ask are better at their jobs and have more experience in theirs than you have in yours. I created a mastermind group from a few people I knew and then began going to breakfast with their friends. How? I started an hour early and asked if they wanted to go to breakfast. Do you know how many people said no? None.
5) Work on Brand You. I know that’s a late 90’s phrase, but nobody is going to take care of your image, your appearance, and how the world views you better than you. You can take up twerking and make a name for yourself, or you can find people who have the same values that you have. Assuming your values don’t include twerking. If so, you probably don’t have to change a single thing.
We spend far too much time taking our friends for granted. They’re there or they aren’t. We don’t analyze these friendships to understand if they’re helping or hurting us. Sure, you should stand by your friends and help them rise too, but you should also focus on making sure that if your hope is to earn more, save more and spend more, that the people you surround yourself with share the same values and goals.
Great stuff Joe. This is one of the things that I’ve so powerful about joining Yakezie in particular. There are so many people out there doing really incredibly things and it’s really a non-stop stream of amazing and inspirational ideas. We so often think that our personal situation is completely unique and special when the reality is that there are many people who have lived it before, or at least something very similar, and we can only benefit from connecting with those people. There’s no shame in not knowing how exactly to do something. There is shame in never doing anything to fix that. There is always someone willing to help if you simply make the effort to connect.
Yakezie was a fantastic opportunity for me. The challenge especially taught me so much about the power of working in “the pack.”
Love this, Joe. We’ve learned how very true the above advice is since we moved into our frugally “rich” neighborhood. It’s brought out the money mindset we’ve always wanted to have, as opposed to our old neighborhood, which was a “keeping up with the Joneses” oriented town, which we let convince us that having stuff was more important than having financial security/freedom.
Funny, that’s what I love about my neighborhood, too. It’s respectable, but it isn’t the “hot” neighborhood in town with a bunch of McMansions. I want nothing to do with that.
Joe I completely agree in regards who you to choose to surround yourself with is a reflection on you. It’s like that saying show me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are. They can lift you up or you can choose those who keep you down.
Amen, Charles. I love it when I’m having a bad day and my friends can help me stay motivated. It’s powerful.
This is spot on advice. Surrounding yourself with people that have drive and initiative is really important.
The funny thing is, there are some people who are so driven that I want nothing to do with them. For me it has to be drive and a sense of humor. If you can’t laugh about yourself I really don’t want anything to do with you, no matter how successful.
I think that is excellent advice. Unfortunately, 90 percent of the people I know in real life are either awful with money or couldn’t care less about it. That is what I love so much about the internet, though. I get to make friends with so many like-minded people!
I’m always amazed when someone doesn’t care about money. In truth, I wouldn’t care either if I didn’t think that it’s the fuel for my entire life. I don’t love money….I love the things that money help me do.
Spot on Joe! My Dad would always tell me as I was growing up about the importance of this and did I listen…of course not. But, he was right on. Surrounding yourself with the right people can be a great way to learn and grow yourself and you never know how you can help them. It’s a win-win in my opinion.
We certainly tell our kids to mind who they hang out with, but I think lots of adults are terrible about choosing friends or letting go of bad influences. It’s especially hard when it’s your family. Do you ever just want to beat some sense into your brother?
I DO!!!! He’s so gifted and talented and I sometimes struggle to keep from wringing his neck. He’s got so much going for him but he refuses to get help from the people who can really help him. His excuse? “I don’t have time.” Yeah…..
I have a friend whose name is on the list of the “Top 100 Women in Video Games”. One of her hobbies- helping recently laid off people find new jobs. If she’s ever worked with you, or if you simply know someone she knows, she’s willing to use her connections and insider knowledge to help you find a new position. Conversation at the board game parties at her house (you would so love her family, Joe) are around game geekery and who has moved where and who needs what, and does anyone know someone that could fit that role.
I love those kinds of people (not just board game lovers….but people who use their “power” to help others). I feel very lucky because I’ve also been able to be around some of those types of people and I’m truly amazed when they want to help me.
This is excellent advice. It’s amazing how much more productive I am when surrounded by other motivated people. I used to be involved with some very smart people in college, but that’s no longer the case. I need to try to get involved again in order to boost my productivity and creativity.
I joined a mastermind group recently and it’s been a real boon for my blog productivity. We’re also discussing starting one for podcasting for the reasons you state.
Awesome post. It makes a lot of sense to put thought into the people we let near us & seeking out the best kind. I fear I am doing all of this sort of networking online, which is still good, but I doubt it has the return that true proximity has. I’m intrigued with the idea of density…that when people are working with the right groups in physical proximity, that you get a real synergy.
Anyhow, I suppose I ought to start looking at Meetup…
That’s my issue also. I now live in a little town in the middle of nowhere. That said, I still feel lucky that the people I hang out with in real life are all the local “movers and shakers.” I could care less about what they actually do in town….I actually just like hanging out with people who have some sort of purpose and community focus. It helps me stay committed to my community and to local charities.
I sincerely believe that you are who you surround yourself with. That said, I look forward to some QT in STL!
Kathleen, you have to play Things with Len and I. I had a stomach ache by the end last year and I’m sure you’d have some epic answers to the game’s questions….
Just let me know when and where!
I’ve been trying to hang around the successful folks on the internet, and plan on meeting even more at FinCon, hopefully including the famed Average Joe 🙂
You’re gonna love FinCon, Lance. We’ll have a blast.
Joe thanks for your very good advice! Just as the saying goes “Birds with the same feather flocks together”. Honestly I’m not an outgoing type of person, I’m just always here at home with my family.
I LOVE behind at home. I have to force myself to go out and meet people (and I’m always happy when I actually do).
Good advice here. I’m certainly loyal to my friends, and don’t take them for granted. Additionally, they might have some strengths that we don’t have (and vice-versa of course). This being said, it also helps to think expansively – of course keep our friends but also seek out those who we want to emulate as you say.
Agreed. I think it’s a great idea to ask yourself, “Why am I friends with this person?” I’ve realized that some friendships I’ve had are only because the person happened to be around quite a bit, but they were really toxic.
Love this! Actually all of my friends are doing well and incredibly successful. I keep waiting for it to rub off. ha ha! I’d say this is one area of my life I’ve very satisfied with in that my friends are amazing! But some of the other things I’ve yet to take advance of yet like mastermind groups. Some good goals for myself. And thank you for all your advice lately! So I guess I’m doing that right too! 🙂
The mastermind group has been a boon for me in blogging. I feel so much better when I get to talk about my ups/downs with real live humans who know what I’m going through. I’ve had some big changes in my thoughts about blogging and “how to do this thing” over the last several months because of them.
The PF blogosphere is a great example of unlimited pie, people are nice and helping each other grow which in return helps everybody grow
You’re a great example of it yourself. I think you’re someone who “gets it” when it comes to unlimited pie.
Great tips Joe. I sometimes become drained/exhausted when I’m around people who encourage my bad habits or who do not have similar enough long-term financial goals as me. They don’t understand why I work so much and continue to try to find new ways of creating income streams. When I’m around others who have a similar outlook as me and know where I’m coming from I am often energized and encouraged.
Great advice! I totally overlook the influence of my friends, but looking back, my closest friends have been the same 4 people for more than a decade and back in high school we were all in the top 10% honors kids, we went to college on scholarships, most of us went of for master’s degrees, all of us have good jobs and we’re all responsible with our money… and now that I think about it, if one of us does do something odd – like make a strange job decision or start investing weird or talk about buying a house when they can’t possibly be ready – the other three call them out on it immediately.
I would not be surprised if a lot of my success and solid thinking in life comes from that foundation. Great post!