“Happiness is a state of mind….not a state of affairs.” – Doug Lennick
The thrill of spending money is real. Our bodies release chemicals that make us feel awesome when we make purchases.
To jump into the science for a moment, our bodies release dopamine, which gives us a shopping high.
Sadly, buyer’s remorse, that feeling in our gut when we realize we’ve done something we shouldn’t have, is real as well. When our mind finally catches up to the chemical reaction of the purchase and realizes that our chemistry tricked our conscious thoughts….we feel absolutely horrible.
Been there? I have. In college I bought an expensive sweater at Nordstrom (I still own it because that sweater is 80’s bad-ass material).
I paid with my new American Express card. I was a freshman in college and had no money AND I went to The Citadel (military college) and couldn’t work to repay the debt.
Weeks later the card was gone and I had a bunch of overdue credit AND a ruined credit rating at 18 years old.
That’s why internalizing Doug Lennick’s quote above, especially if we’re fighting debt or if we’re behind on our goals, is so important.
We can’t get where we want to go by buying things.
How do we get there? Simple. We realize that happiness comes not from things or money, but from inside. If I want to get ahead, that’s great, but I’ll be just as unhappy with lots of money as I was as a college student, flat broke.
When I was in college I dated a woman for four years. Four years (it helps that I had seven years of college….)! Everyone except me was pretty sure that this was headed for bigger things.
When I ended that relationship I had a realization similar to this one on Jerry McGuire:
“You complete me,” if you remember, turned out to be a giant load of crap. He had to become okay with himself first, and then everything else in his life (including his relationships) finally grew.
I had to learn the same thing. I had to be happy with who I was, right then. Girls didn’t like me, and that shouldn’t have been surprising. I was an unhappy mess. Who the hell wanted to be around that?
Why didn’t I like myself? That’s easy. My horrible debt situation grew, I was in a dead-end degree (at least as far as jobs went), and I realized I was ill-prepared for the real world, even though my college experience was close to over. In short: I’d screwed myself and I knew it.
But nothing….nothing was going to get better until I woke up one day and realized that I had to be comfortable in my own skin.
I didn’t have to be happy with my situation.
I still wanted better for myself.
But I had to realize that I deserved better.
I deserved more.
The Point?
Others won’t complete you. A job won’t complete you. Stuff won’t complete you. MONEY won’t complete you. Happiness is a state of mind.
Check out this review of the great film Happy by my friend Femme Frugality.
Photo: Modern Britain
This is great =) I’m not sure if I’ve ever considered happiness a state of mind, but I do think it’s contagious at my house. If my husband and kids are happy, so am I. I try to keep that positive attitude going throughout the week because things get ugly when it’s gone =/
That’s totally our house.
If momma ain’t happy ain’t NOBODY happy…..
I’m reading a book on stress right now which I’m loving. I keep thinking of my non existent dating life these past six years and wonder if possibly the fact that I’ve been so stressed about money, but more aggravating…my job hasn’t put a shield around me that makes me not attractive. I’m really trying hard to fix the inside. Because the outside….well I just can’t afford Botox. lol!
I think you’re so real, Tonya, that you’d be dating like nobody’s business! What’s the book called? Recommended?
I personally want to see a picture of your 80s Cosby style sweater, it sounds awesome! And I couldn’t agree more. I used to think that happiness was in stuff and experiences and then I read a book about it and the fact that all of those things change and we have little control over them. The only thing we have control over is our own mind, which is where happiness should grow and develop.
I’ll have to instagram it for you! It’s really, really horrible. I can’t wear it anywhere but in my home office on cold days. Otherwise people start singing “Take My Breath Away” whenever I walk down the street….
Well, you know my attention was immediately caught with the Doug Lennick quote. 🙂 And I also couldn’t agree more. Happiness IS a state of mind. We forget that all the time. We try to buy happiness and it cannot be bought. We create it ourselves. And I’m glad you found your happiness so you could find a good woman who would let you keep a 30 year old sweater. 🙂
Isn’t that the true sign of your soul mate? If she loves your old 80’s clothing?
I thought of you the minute I re-read that Doug Lennick quote…. 🙂
Joe, I freaking love this. It’s so simple, and so so true. Happiness is totally a state of mind, and a hard but conscious decision. If we run into it accidentally on occasion, that’s awesome. But when we arrive at it through our own determination…..nirvana?
I forgot this was a money blog for a minute. Sorry.
I forget it’s a money blog nearly every time I write! I thought of your review the moment I started because after you reviewed that film I went and watched it….and absolutely loved it.
Funny thing….I was listening to the Marketing Over Coffee podcast (not that I give a damn about marketing….) and Chris Brogan was on. He talked about how much he learned from the film Happy. Everyone should see it.
It is a great movie! I was just going over the comments in the post and realized I hadn’t read Flow yet. Will have to change that!
Truth! I’m reading the Happiness Advantage right now, thanks to Brad at Richmond Savers. It really does come from within, doesn’t it?
It does. For me it got to the point that my theme song was “Will Never Marry” by Morrissey (how depressing is that???) because I knew that if I didn’t learn to be comfortable alone, I’d never be good with other people.
I want to see a pic of that badass sweater as well! Better yet, you could have it on at Fincon! 😉 Seriously though, this is spot on Joe! It took me a long time to figure this out and much of it was during college and a few years after but am so thankful that I did.