Have you ever thought about the intersection of health and wealth? Today we start by sharing personal anecdotes about an unexpectedly painful break, leading into a robust chat with mentor Alua Arthur, a death doula who helps people find purpose through preparing for the end of life. The conversation dives deep into practical tips about setting financial goals while staying grounded, and the importance of balancing spending with saving, all while holding onto life’s deeper purposes.
Al Pacino’s financial mishaps also serve as a cautionary tale about the importance of being an active CEO of your personal finances. The episode wraps up with advice on navigating the future as veterans from OG, insights into helping children understand finances, and more. You may go look for community, but there is only one that leaves you feeling satisfied: Stacking Benjamins.
• Vacation Mishaps and Injuries
• Saluting the Military and Podcast Introduction
• Interview with Death Doula AUA Arthur
• AUA Arthur’s Personal Journey
• Confronting Death and Helping Others
• Children and Death
• Death Rallies and Terminal Agitation
• Advice on Facing Our Own Mortality
• Embracing Reality and Acknowledging the Present
• Mentorship and Appreciation
• Doug’s Week Recap and Veterans Day Tribute
• Financial Seminar Highlights
• Veterans Transition Advice
• Hollywood Financial Troubles: Al Pacino’s Story
• The Importance of Financial Oversight
• Goal-Based Financial Planning
• Listener Email: Automating Savings and Financial Goals
• Parenting and Financial Education
• Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Deeper dives with curated links, topics, and discussions are in our newsletter, The 201, available at https://www.stackingbenjamins.com/201
Enjoy!
Monday Mentor: Alua Arthur
Big thanks to Alua Arthur for joining us today. To learn more about Alua, visit Going With Grace. Grab yourself a copy of the book Amazon.com: Briefly Perfectly Human: Making an Authentic Life by Getting Real About the End.
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Doug’s Trivia
- Which of Washington DC’s National Mall monuments was completed on today’s date back in 1988?
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Episode transcript
[00:00:00] Joe: Did you have a relaxing [00:00:01] OG: week off? No, I did not. [00:00:03] Joe: It’s always fun until somebody pulls a calf, muscle gets injured. It’s just bad timing, but [00:00:11] OG: I’ll be all right. [00:00:12] Joe: It is horrible timing because before the break you were bragging about the Caymans, I’m gonna go on this vacation. Yep. Didn’t go. [00:00:18] OG: Couldn’t go. [00:00:19] Joe: How bad is it when your whole team goes and they’re like sending you these beautiful beach pictures? [00:00:25] They probably all have drinks in their hand. What was really [00:00:28] OG: odd was, I didn’t get any. [00:00:30] Joe: They’re [00:00:30] OG: like, oh, you can’t make it. Okay. Kidding, kidding, kidding, kidding, kidding. [00:00:35] Joe: They’re celebrating the fact Boss Man did. Oh, that sucks. The boss couldn’t come. Oh. So [00:00:41] OG: man. Yeah, just terrible timing to have a, have an injury. [00:00:44] It was, uh, go on a trip with an unknown injury or go seek medical care in, uh, you know, I’ll take option two. Yeah. So take option two. It’s all right. Trying to get all better. Got a golf thing next week, so I’m gonna go do golf in a week and. Man, you gotta, you gotta get healthy in a hurry. I’m gonna try. I don’t know the doctor, uh, when I mentioned I was gonna play golf in a week, he just laughed and said, ha ha, no. [00:01:10] Joe: And scene. [00:01:11] OG: Right. Maybe I’ll drive the, the beer cart. That’ll be my job. [00:01:14] Joe: You know what my number one go-to is saluting the military. Mm. We get back. It’s always what we love to do here at the Stacky Benjamin Show on a Monday morning. So everyone, wherever you are, raise your glass. [00:01:25] OG: They still gotta work if they get hurt too. [00:01:27] Joe: I know they are on all the time. [00:01:29] OG: Pull the calf muscle. Tough patties. Go attack the bad guys [00:01:33] Joe: 24 7. On behalf of the Men and women making podcast Moms Basement, the men and women listening to podcasts made Mom’s basement and the men and women, the Navy Federal Credit Union hears to our troops, thank you so much for all you do. [00:01:46] Let’s go stack some s now, shall we? [00:01:48] bit: Here’s the song that we’d like to do for all the younger set of people, the teenagers and what have you. This one’s called Vacation Over [00:01:59] Vacation, [00:02:03] over [00:02:09] Doug: Live from Joe’s Mom’s Basement. It’s. The Stacking Benjamin Show. [00:02:23] I’m Joe’s mom’s neighbor, Doug. And did you miss us during last week’s break? You know you did. And we’re arrested. Ready? And on the mic. Today we’re joined by a mentor who helps people see their life more fully through lessons from her work, helping people cope with dying it’s death doula, AUA Arthur. In our headline segment, bad News for One Celebrity who has Retirement Regret. [00:02:50] How do you set yourself up for a better future? We’ll learn from none other than Al Pacino, hooah Plus, I’ll share some absolutely fantastic trivia. And now two guys who don’t look tan at all. After a week away, it’s Joe and oh, [00:03:14] Joe: that’s because in Northern Texas it’s been raining. Hey everybody, welcome to, I’m Only Happy when It Rains. Podcast. I’m Joe Saul-Sehy, average Joe Money on the Twitter sphere. And across the table from me. Mr. OG is here for a Monday. Welcome back, my friend. [00:03:31] OG: You make it sound like it’s been raining for months in Texarkana. [00:03:34] I know it hasn’t. ’cause it just rained here too, and they were like, it’s raining. Oh my gosh. It’s raining. It hasn’t rained since. Uh. End of September year. Anyway, I dunno about, but it is [00:03:44] Joe: nice. It’s one of those rains that feels like it’s gonna rain all day. Hmm. Uh, I think about the old, uh, Winnie the Pooh movies where the rain, rain, rain came down, down, down in the a hundred acre wood just all day. [00:03:54] bit: Hmm. [00:03:55] Joe: No, not doing it. Guess what? We’ll do it, we’re gonna talk about purpose and really valuing your life today. I think it’s a great time to reset here as we enter a new eight weeks. Turn, turn the corner on the final [00:04:08] OG: eight weeks of the season. [00:04:09] Joe: Yeah. Yeah. Right. And final is probably a good word here. See what I get [00:04:13] OG: there. [00:04:14] Joe: I I love it. All right. A Lua Arthur joins us. She is a heck of a personal story. Uh, she. Is going to share not just what a death doula is, but really how we cope with our end of life. And I know we had Scott Mueller just before the break also help us with some of that as a funeral director. I guess we’re covering death here a little bit sweet so we can live better. [00:04:40] A Lua, every interview I’ve seen with her has been so engaging. So absolutely incredible. She’s just an incredible human being. And that’s why I really wanted her on. She was born in Ghana, and I’m gonna ask her about that, about growing up and thinking when you’re very young that you might die. She is a heck of a story about her father being a part of the government that’s been just overthrown. [00:05:09] Mm-Hmm. And over the radio, they’re telling all members of the government that you need to come turn yourself in or you will die. And by the way, everybody knows OG then if you turn yourself in. Still probably gonna die. What do you do in that circumstance? So she’s been confronting death for a long time. [00:05:26] She began her career as a lawyer. And like a lot of people who find their passion, they find their thing, realize that wasn’t her thing. And we’ll talk to her about changing course, but how does your thing become helping people? Helping people die? I’m laughing because that would so not be my thing. She’s been a keynote speaker at Yale University. [00:05:51] She has been featured in Refinery 29 in Vogue Magazine on CNN, the Los Angeles Times, New York Times. And of course now on Stacking. Benjamins. We’re gonna hear from AUA in just a moment. She’s our Monday mentor. But before that, we got a couple sponsors who make sure that this is free and that we can keep on keeping on. [00:06:10] Let’s hear from them. And then AUA Arthur waiting in the wings. [00:06:25] And I am super happy she’s coming down to the card table in mom’s basement. It’s, Hey, Lou, Arthur’s here. How are you? I’m doing very good. Very happy to talk to you, Joe. How are you? Likewise. I’m so happy to talk to you. This is, um, such an important topic because, you know, we talk a lot about purpose on Stacking Benjamins, and you see people in their, in their last moments. [00:06:47] I wanna start this story where you start the story. ’cause I think your storytelling is magnificent, number one, but. You’re in Cuba, and so when I open up this book, you’re in your thirties, I think you’re in Cuba. What are you doing in Cuba as we open up your story? [00:07:06] Alua: I mean, at the time I would’ve told you I was just going to see what I could see. [00:07:09] I had been at the tail end of, well, what turned out to be the tail end of a major depressive episode. I’d been practicing law for the previous, almost 10 years at Legal Aid, and the practice of law was not a good fit for who I was. Yet I kept trying, kept struggling, kept trying, and it just wasn’t working, and I built a life that didn’t feel like mine, even though I’d meticulously put it together. [00:07:30] It felt like I was in somebody else’s life and depression blossomed. During that depression, I took a medical leave of absence because my psychiatrist and psychologist said, Hey, you cannot keep this up. So I took a medical leave of absence from work and went to Cuba. [00:07:44] Joe: Isn’t it wild how things just happen for a reason though? [00:07:46] I mean, the [00:07:46] Alua: universe kind of comes together at the right time. Things always, I think, come together at the right time and it’s easy to see in retrospect that that was such a pivotal moment in my life at the time. I was just kind of following the little breadcrumbs ahead of me trying to get to the next thing and the next thing. [00:08:00] Not aware that it would shift the trajectory of my life altogether. [00:08:04] Joe: A hundred percent. So you meet [00:08:05] Alua: this woman named Jessica. Tell us about Jessica. Jessica was 36 years old and a German and traveler trying to see the top six places in the world. She wanted to see before she died because she had uterine cancer. [00:08:18] Now her cancer was not terminal, and besides that word terminal, I don’t like to use too often because we’re all terminal realistically. [00:08:25] Joe: Right, right. Nobody gets outta this alive, right? No. [00:08:27] Alua: Every single last one of us is terminal from the moment that we were born, and so her cancer wasn’t one that they thought was going to kill her, but because of her cancer diagnosis, she had decided to take the invitation to go see the world, and that’s what she was doing in Cuba. [00:08:41] Also, we spent 14 hours together on a bus ride talking about her diagnosis, talking about her life, talking about her fears around death, and it opened up. Can I [00:08:50] Joe: ask you something about that though? Can I stop you there? Absolutely. Just because as I was first reading this Ilu. I was wondering. Well, and she even says it, she’s like, nobody ever asked me these questions. [00:09:00] Yeah. And yet you do. Why are you all of a sudden this? Or maybe you always have been just this person that’s asking these questions about death that nobody’s, nobody [00:09:10] Alua: else is asking. I never asked those questions before, but I think the simple answer is that I’m really nosy and truly, and it was the first time that I was sitting with somebody who was in the middle of something this big and I was like, tell me everything, which is what I do to the cashier at CVS or my waiter. [00:09:29] You know what I mean? Like I just asked the maybe inappropriate questions all the time, but humans fascinate me. And I was also a little maybe either drunk or hungover. And I think also as a result of depression, I’d lost that sense of tack to that thing that said, maybe don’t go there, you know, within two minutes of meeting a stranger. [00:09:48] But I didn’t know not to, and she came along with me. She answered the questions and it sounds like what [00:09:54] Joe: you learned from that, at least what I got out of this, and I think you learned from that, is that people really do wanna talk about death. [00:10:02] Alua: They do. They do. I believe that firmly. I think one of the things that we get wrong about death and dying is we think that people don’t wanna talk about it. [00:10:10] We call it taboo, but it’s not. It’s something that is on all of our minds. Even if we push it down, even if we try to push it into the subconscious, it’s still there. I think people often just need a little bit of permission to do so, and that’s what my work does. When I tell people about my work as a death doula, they lean in, they wanna talk to me about when somebody in their life died. [00:10:29] They wanna share their ideas about the afterlife. They wanna ask me what I think happens after we die. I think we wanna talk about it. We’ve just been conditioned not to. What ended up happening to Jessica then? Jessica’s still living, she’s still alive. She is in Scotland studying, uh, art history or something like that. [00:10:46] She’s writing novels. She was a writer beforehand, had always wanted to write like a big novel and hadn’t yet, she was working for like a people magazine equivalent and so hadn’t done the work that was really on her heart, and that was part of what we discovered together in on that bus ride. When I started asking her about her death and started asking her like what she wanted out of her life, she wanted to write, so she started writing at that time, you know, death doula. [00:11:10] Did, did you have any idea what a death doula was? Is there, was it a thing then? It’s been a thing since all time. I mean, as long as humans have lived, other humans have supported them through dying because dying is a community event, yet it’s becoming more, I’m gonna say professionalized and I’m using air quotes around that lately as people need. [00:11:29] The support in person, um, or even virtually modern life and the demands of it have grown to the point where all of us come to it a little unprepared unless we spend time talking about and preparing for it. Death. Doulas are doing a lot of the emotional work to support people to get ready for dying, but there’s also a lot of practical work that goes into it as well. [00:11:49] And that’s the thing that the profession, I’m using our quotes again, of death. Doula is really supportive. [00:11:54] Joe: And what do you mean by the practical? Like, like some of the stories you have, you have to figure out hospice and figure out the ramps, uh, figure out the estate stuff. Is it all that? [00:12:05] Alua: Yeah. Is that what you mean? [00:12:06] I mean, get your stuff together. I don’t just mean the money and the possessions, which is a place that many people start because they know that you should have a will or some end of life planning documents. But I’m also talking about being absolutely clear on who you want to make your decisions for you in the event that you can’t, your desires for life support, what you want to have happen to your body after you die. [00:12:27] Do you want a funeral of any sort? Do you want your life celebrated? Um, making these decisions ahead of time ends up saving a lot of grief, and that pun is entirely intended for the people that are left afterward because they’re gonna be deeply grieving. And then they’re also gonna have to pick out a casket or decide whether or not you even wanna be buried or find a plot or try to make big decisions. [00:12:49] And they really should just be tending to their grief because we love them enough. To make these decisions beforehand. [00:12:55] Joe: It was amazing. So many people don’t, and when my, my dad passed away early the summer, my, I went with my mom because they had already done a bunch of pre-planning the very next day to the place where they’d done the pre-planning. [00:13:08] And, and to your point, Lu, it made it so much easier. My mom didn’t have to think at all. No. She didn’t have to think about anything because she’d actually done some of that work ahead of time. Yep. Do you feel like you were called to this because of the fact that I felt like death was kind of. Hanging over your family. [00:13:25] Luckily, nobody in your immediate family died when you were young, but you tell this horrifying story of escaping Ghana during a regime change. Was the governments being overthrown, your family trying to get out, your dad being thrown in prison, do you feel like that death, maybe being imminent, has something to do with your chosen profession now? [00:13:46] Or you’re as comfortable as you are with that? We all are [00:13:51] Alua: gonna [00:13:51] Joe: die [00:13:51] Alua: someday. I think it’s really easy to see in retrospect how I was always set up for this, including this military coup and the fear of death that was blanketing the country that morning. But I felt really calm ’cause my father was holding my hand. [00:14:05] I felt safe, you know? So people were in chaos. But I felt just fine the entire time. I was three years old. And then after that, my heart was really broken A few years later when a goat was killed. Um, I heard this goat dying and I was so taken by, it’s what sounded like it’s fear. It, it changed me. You know, my heart was broken by Ryan White, who was a teenager. [00:14:27] I think he was 13 when he died from aids. I was 11 and that broke my heart. When I look back, my heart has always been broken by how he died, and yet I hadn’t had the in-person experience. I hadn’t had a family member or somebody close to me die until my brother-in-law died. And that changed everything. [00:14:44] Joe: Yeah. I’m wanna talk about that in a second. I wanna get back to your dad and holding your hand, because also in retrospect, as you told this story, your dad has to leave the country because if he doesn’t, he’s gonna probably be executed. He ends up turning himself in later and he is not able to, to escape. [00:15:02] The country goes to prison. Like as I’m reading that, not even as I’m reading it, as I’m hearing you tell the story, now you don’t feel any fear because your dad’s holding your hand. Your dad must have felt a ton of fear. It’s like you’re holding his hand almost like you hold people’s hands. Now, I never thought of it that way, [00:15:21] Alua: but I will tell you, when I finally talked to my dad about it very fully as an adult, I could feel the fear still from that day. [00:15:28] I could feel the uncertainty and the sadness of what occurred there. He was holding my hand, I guess I was also holding his, at some point, he picked me up. I do remember being clutched. I always thought that he was trying to keep me safe and also get us outta the building as fast as possible. But he may have been holding onto me for dear life. [00:15:47] Yeah, [00:15:48] Joe: I [00:15:48] Alua: can’t imagine just fleeing that [00:15:49] Joe: quickly. Just, ugh. Let’s transition to where you were going, which is your brother-in-Law. Peter, tell me about Peter and [00:15:57] Alua: how that influenced you. Peter St. John was my older sister, Bosma St. John’s husband. They met and married in her very early twenties, and I’m a little younger than her. [00:16:08] Peter was my first older sibling. He was my first brother. I didn’t have a brother. I have three sisters. He exercised dominion over me in the way that I think Big brothers do. You know, he teased me all the time and he annoyed me a lot. Um, but I also knew that he loved me and he encouraged me a lot too. [00:16:27] He wouldn’t let me settle for any less. They were married. He was in my life for almost about 10 years before he got diagnosed with Burke’s Lymphoma. About four months into his treatment, the doctor said that they couldn’t treat him anymore. [00:16:40] Joe: Can [00:16:41] Alua: I ask you about that moment? Yeah. [00:16:43] Joe: Because you’re on vacation with your boyfriend. [00:16:45] You write, you blow up at your boyfriend, and you don’t say this, but I think, wow, that was unnecessary. Like there was no, there was no reason for you to blow up at him. But it just made me think about how much anger accompanies death and impending death. I have to imagine you see that a lot in the families that you work with. [00:17:05] Alua: Yeah, anger is a big component of grief, massive component of grief. Uh, we think of grief as these stages. You know that they’re very linear. You move from one to the next to the next, and yet they flow all the way through. I had never properly allowed myself anger and I use allow intentionally because I often veer towards sadness before anger for a lot of different reasons. [00:17:26] I mean, I’m a woman and we’re not socialized to be angry. I’m a black woman in America. I live in a state of anger, and yet the black, angry black woman is such a trope that I don’t wanna become it. And so I’ve worked really hard to avoid anger, and yet in my grief, I was really, really angry that anger is the thing that the anger at the medical care system at my brother-in-Law for being sick and my brother-in-Law for dying, even though it was not his fault at all, but that’s how my grief was being expressed. [00:17:53] That anger pushed me. I think that anger really propelled the work that I do. Ultimately, it. Forced me, pushed me into building my organization, going with Grace, where we trained death doula so that other people don’t ever have to die in the way that my brother-in-Law died. I did all this ’cause I was pissed. [00:18:09] I’m sitting here talking to you ’cause I got pissed. [00:18:14] Joe: And it’s amazing again, the universe, it all, it all works. It all works together for a reason. And I’m laughing because clearly it isn’t funny. But Peter’s death you wrote, gave you purpose. You felt this strong sense of purpose all of a sudden. [00:18:27] Alua: Yeah, I was the most on fire. [00:18:30] I’d been in a really long time because in my work at Legal Aid, I was very dulled. I’d become very dulled. I’d dim myself to try to fit into the practice of law. It just wasn’t working. But with Peter’s death, with where I got to support them, I was there for two months. At the end of his life, I was running the errands, I was asking the questions, I was adding levity to the situations. [00:18:50] I was helping take care of my niece. I was purposeful. I wanted to be useful so that my sister could be with her husband as he died, so that his parents could be there. I was doing airport runs. I was thinking holistically about what needed to happen so that he could die in a way that honored him. When I finally came around to the fact that he was dying, ’cause it took me a minute, so I felt really purposeful. [00:19:12] I learned how to be a death doula through Peter first and foremost, and I found that there was no resistance to the role anywhere within my body and my personality and my spirit. I was like, we can do this. We’re gonna have to think about this. We just get to be it. It sounds like your sister really needed the support too. [00:19:30] I think a lot of people do when somebody in their life is dying. I’m glad I was able to be there for my sister. I wish that everybody had somebody who would be knowledgeable and kind and compassionate to journey with them as their person died. [00:19:44] Joe: You mentioned your sister and brother-in-law’s daughter, and you sat with her. [00:19:50] How do children see death and, and, and you know, I remember when I was a kid and my grandparent, but my, my grandfather died and, you know, my parents didn’t want me to go to the funeral. We didn’t really talk about it much like I was, I was quote too young, right? I was too young. How should we treat kids when it comes to parents dying or family members dying? [00:20:11] Alua: Well, I’m really curious how that impacted your conception of death and dying when it finally was in your face. For now, I’ll say that around the age of four kids begin to understand object impermanence. They understand that things go away and they don’t come back. And that’s essentially how they begin to create the framework for death. [00:20:29] At that age, they’ve started to understand that it’s possible. By denying that in children, by not allowing them to have access to it, by not indulging it, by not saying very clearly this is what happened to grandpa. We tend to pass on our death phobia. We tend to pass on this idea that we can’t talk about death and dying, that it’s something that’s still too scary to talk about. [00:20:51] And we reinforce that death is something that we don’t honor in a way. [00:20:56] Joe: That’s interesting, Louis, because I, after that moment, and for much probably well past college, I just had this big death phobia, like very much afraid to die, very, very much afraid to die. And then later on I made very much made peace with it. [00:21:11] I’m happy to hear that. It was a huge turn. [00:21:13] Alua: People probably never talked to you about it, right? No. They never gave you space to talk about your ideas. And I’m sure they did the best that they could ’cause we all are at that point in time. But kids know a lot. I mean, we show them Bambi. Right, right, right. [00:21:25] Moana, have you seen that one? Oh my God. Like grandparents die video games. People in video games die. Cartoon characters die. Like they’re in it. We just need to give them space to talk about it. [00:21:36] Joe: They think Game of Thrones is bad. Just gimme Disney. My goodness. That’s good. But I love what Peter’s daughter asked you, ’cause kids have some of the best questions she asked you, are my dad’s ears gonna [00:21:50] Alua: get really, really big? [00:21:52] Yeah, because everybody told her that he would go to heaven, but she couldn’t go there. So she had a sense that it was very far away, and so she wondered if he’d still be able to hear her from there. And in her 4-year-old brain, the only way is because his ears would get large. You know? Like if we could just say very plainly the things and the kids wouldn’t make up all these stories in their head. [00:22:10] There is one sad example. There was a man that I met in his thirties who told me that after, I think his grandparent died when he was about four or five or six, they told him that grandpa had gone to sleep. Oh, he was terrified to sleep for years because he knew that grandpa went to sleep and never came back. [00:22:30] He thought the same thing would happen to him. We gotta tell the kids the truth. Make them safe while we do it, but tell them as much truth as we can muster. And sometimes it is, I don’t know. You know when kids ask, are you gonna die too? Which my niece did ask. I don’t plan on dying for a really long time. [00:22:47] One day I will, but I do not plan on dying for a long time. We offer safety and we tell them the truth. [00:22:54] Joe: What a great answer. ’cause. ’cause to your point, you’re telling the truth. You’re not scaring them with going to sleep and not. And not waking up. Yeah. I feel like part of your job is almost to provide a roadmap. [00:23:06] You write that death is different every time, that there’s no set way things happen yet. There are some things that you see. There’s something that I didn’t even realize before I read your book. That this was a common thing, and it’s called a death rally, and Peter had a death rally. Can you tell us what a death [00:23:23] Alua: rally is? [00:23:25] A death rally is, and it’s colloquially named. I don’t think that’s the medical term for it. It’s where the last little bit of life’s fires just pushing itself out through the body before the dying occurs. Where somebody has been ill for a while, it looks like they’re making a turn for the worse, and then at some point they’re back to feeling like themselves. [00:23:43] They’re sounding like themselves. They’re asking for food, they’re making jokes, they’re present. And for many, it looks like the miracle that you’ve been hoping for, whereas this is my dad. This was my dad just before he died. Yeah. So you’ve experienced this? [00:23:56] Joe: Yeah. [00:23:57] Alua: Yeah. It seems like everything’s getting better. [00:23:59] Maybe this is a miracle, but instead it’s a signal that dying is imminent, that it’s, that act of dying is probably around the corner as the life burns off. It lasts a little bit of energy. I. [00:24:09] Joe: Are there other things that surprise a lot of the families that you work [00:24:12] Alua: with? [00:24:12] Joe: Like a death [00:24:13] Alua: rally? Yes. Terminal agitation is one that people sit with for years and feel guilty about or, uh, try to create context for. [00:24:21] It’s where the person is agitated. They either talk about wanting to go on a journey or a trip or leave, or they wanna pack their bags or they’re trying to get up. There was a client I had years ago that kept trying to get her feet out of the, out of the sheets, yet she had Parkinson’s so far developed that she couldn’t do it on her own, but she was like, you know, trying to tear up the sheets to get her feet out. [00:24:43] She was agitated and folks often think that the person that they care about is unwell or they’re not being treated well or they’re angry, but it’s a sign that dying is occurring as well. [00:24:53] Joe: You were writing about one of, uh, the people that you work with that, um, when loved ones are dying, we obviously don’t want that to happen. [00:25:02] So as people too, as family members or or friends, we project what we want on them. We have a friend in our community who’s a hospice doctor, doc G, who gave me e Lua, this fantastic advice. ’cause I told him, my dad said, well, I’ve lived a really good life. This is a couple weeks before he died. And I said to my dad a little bit angry, by the way. [00:25:24] I said, um, I said, dad, don’t give up. You shouldn’t give up. And I told Doc G, this hospice doctor this, and he said something very similar to what you say in the book, which is that we project what we want onto the person instead of truly what they need to hear. And, and in retrospect, I didn’t let my dad tell me that he’d lived a good life, which is all he wanted to do. [00:25:53] Mm-Hmm. Instead I turned it into this, this situation. And I think that must happen a lot if you wrote that in the book. [00:25:59] Alua: It happens all the time. And also I’m gonna say to you that that’s an element of your anticipatory grief showing up. You know, don’t die. Please don’t die. Please don’t go. Yeah. Anything that you hear that sounds like, it, sounds like the person is giving up and it’s not what we want. [00:26:14] And that’s really awesome advice. Doc. GG Advice from Doc G. G, absolutely. G Advice from Doc G. It’s important that we do our best to put our feelings aside as best as we can. We put our fear on the person that’s dying. We put our hopes on them. We can just let them have their experience as difficult as it is for us. [00:26:34] But it also, you know, one day you get your turn to die, so then you get to do what you want when it’s your turn. But right now it’s their turn. And so let’s let them have their experience. [00:26:42] Joe: And by the way, some of the ways people have their turn, you show up at one woman’s house and she’s playing music, she’s playing reggae music, super loud. [00:26:50] She is dancing and she’s, she’s not ready to go. [00:26:55] Alua: Yeah, I thought that she was ready. Her son thought that she was ready. Everybody thought that she was ready, but she wasn’t yet ready. She thought that God, her words still wanted to work a miracle in her and she was gonna heal. So that meant I just had to meet her where she was at. [00:27:08] And that’s the creative, the doula is that you, we meet the client where they are. It’s not my job to help anybody get over their fear, death, or to get them ready if they’re not. When you’re ready, we’ll show up. When did you finally decide that this was your profession? That’s a good question. I think I’m still noticing and choosing it every day because, I mean, it’s an interesting one, just to be frank with you. [00:27:29] That’s me too. I’m 56 years old and I’m like, I don’t know what I wanna do when I grow up. So, right. We’re still figuring it out. I’m still thinking maybe I wanna be a nail tech at some point, bring people beauty on their fingers, but for now, this is what we’re doing and it feels really good to be doing it. [00:27:44] I’ll put it that way. And I love teaching. I love teaching death doulas. I love seeing the community and the work grow on the ride. On the bus ride with Jessica, I did have a strong feeling that this was something that maybe I wanted to do because I loved what came out of our conversation. She seemed to find some purpose in talking. [00:28:02] She seemed to be unburdened by our conversation. I felt very much like myself. I didn’t have to try very hard, and it felt like, wow, here’s me just showing up as myself, which seems to offer some support for somebody else and some support that somebody seems to need. So let’s see if this is a thing. And uh, 10 years later. [00:28:19] 2000, 2,700 students later, 55 countries later, here we are. So I think it’s a thing. Yeah, it’s working. [00:28:26] Joe: Yeah. This very well might be a thing. I’m just, I’m getting the feeling it might impossible. Nail tech. Might have to wait for, for just, for just a little while my next act. You know, you’ve given us such great advice today about confronting loved one’s death, about how to approach it, about some of the things to expect. [00:28:48] But what about our own death? When and how should we really begin looking in the mirror? And how do you think that self-talk should go? [00:28:56] Alua: Well, I think it’s important that we spend time thinking about it when we can, the right time to start thinking about our death is right now. It’s absolutely right now, if you have any awareness that one day you’ll die, please start. [00:29:07] If you don’t yet come and talk to me, I’ll be very, very gentle. I have news for you, but as soon as you have some awareness that you’re gonna die, is the right time to start thinking about it. What we often do is we push it aside because it feels so scary and it is sad, you know, to think that I won’t be around. [00:29:22] This is a very common fear of death, and yet we can use our fear of death to teach us what it is that we value about our lives, and then use our lives to create more of that, to multiply that. So start thinking about your death. Start thinking about what your fear is. Start thinking about what type of legacy you wanna leave, what type of life you wanna lead. [00:29:39] Start thinking about the person that you wanna meet as you’re dying. I promise you, you’ll be fine as you do it. You’re not gonna die just because you think about it. You’re gonna die anyway, but it won’t be because you think about it. And doing that allows us to reach the end feeling like we lived a life that was authentic to us, and then maybe we can be ready to go. [00:29:56] Joe: Your book is called Briefly, perfectly Human Making An Authentic Life By getting real about the end as, as I hope our stackers can tell just a, uh, amazing read between your own story and the stories you tell about people. You know, I was gonna say confronting death, but confronting death really isn’t what we’re doing. [00:30:15] It’s more accepting and living with, and I don’t know, getting comfortable with the fact that, uh, to your point earlier, we are all terminal. [00:30:25] Alua: Yeah. Just I guess embracing it, acknowledging it, talking about it, you know, it’s real. It’s here, it will come. [00:30:34] Joe: And the book’s available where finer books are sold, I assume. [00:30:37] Yeah. Everywhere actually. [00:30:41] Hey, Lua, thank you so much for mentoring our stackers today. I super appreciate it. Thank you for having me, Joe. It’s this one. [00:30:52] Doug: Hey there, stackers. I’m Joe’s mom’s neighbor. Doug. What a week you missed While we were on break, man. I mean, while Joe was distracted reorganizing our emergency Woodford bourbon inventory, I attended OGs one man financial seminar on the importance of saltiness in your plan. He was great. Just Cooper, the cat and me were fascinated. [00:31:15] Sure that cat fell asleep and OG about lost it, but I was enthralled. I feel like I’m OG certified now. We should build a monument in the basement to that guy. Speaking of monuments and also celebrating that today is Veterans Day. How about this question? Which of Washington DC’s National Mall monuments was completed? [00:31:37] On today’s date back in 1988, I mean the monument cost tons of Benjamins and is well worth every penny. I’ll be back with the answer right after I see if OG has a masterclass we can sign up for to get a little bit more of that saltiness. [00:32:05] Hey there, stackers. I’m educated, dude, and the guy OG lovingly calls a quote horrible student. Joe’s mom’s neighbor, Doug, the saltiness of OGs presentations. Just do something to lock in all the lessons he shared. Seriously. Good. If I had one critique, it would just be that we didn’t cover something on the hardcore topic of lotto strategy, but I mean, hey, maybe, maybe saving that for the inevitable second class that I’m definitely signing up for. [00:32:34] In fact, with OGs permission, I’m ready to start consulting on my own for free. Of course, I mean, feel free to call me any time, stackers. I’ll help you out. In fact, I’ll also give you today’s trivia answer. For free. Check this out. One monument that cost lots of Benjamins was created on today’s date back in 1988. [00:32:55] Which one was it? Of course, that was the Vietnam Memorial, which is a long wall engraved with the names of those who died during the combat. For those of you who served, thank you. For those of you who didn’t, don’t forget to thank a veteran today. [00:33:12] Joe: I think every day, OG is an important day to thank a veteran, but if there’s only one that you remember to do it, this is the day [00:33:20] OG: 1111 armistice day. [00:33:22] Remember that terminology from history class? Believe it or not, I wasn’t there. I’m not that old. You weren’t there. No. No. I don’t think anybody was. That’s alive still now, sadly. But, uh, the great war is what they, uh, what they called World War I. So [00:33:36] Joe: the war to end All Wars at the time. Mm-Hmm. Yep. Remember all that, except all the others. [00:33:41] OG for Veteran’s Day, what is the best advice you can give to one of our military members that are maybe transitioning outta the military and becoming a veteran? Whew. [00:33:52] OG: Best advice for a veteran transitioning out. I would say go slowly. You know, it’s gonna be a lot different on the, uh, outside as it is on the, on the inside. [00:34:01] Maybe a little less structure, maybe a little less, uh, slightly just a skosh. I think. Uh, find your community and find the, uh, find people that were a little bit further ahead of you that have kind of gone through this, right. That are six months out, 12 months out, 18 months out. And ask them for support because it’s gonna be a little different when you, uh, for the first time interact with a bunch of civilians and, uh, you know, and they all have long shaggy hair and scruffy beards, and they haven’t shaved in a few days. [00:34:28] That’ll, that’ll be a little different. [00:34:30] Joe: Let’s get into today’s headline. [00:34:32] headlines: Hello Darlings, and now it’s time for your favorite part of the show, our Stacking Benjamin’s headlines. [00:34:39] Joe: Well, sadly, one guy who is a veteran of Hollywood been around the block. This guy, this is from Business Insider, Al Pacino, says that he went from $50 million to broke, joining a long list of stars who’ve experienced money, troubles. [00:34:56] What we see this all the time, og, that a superstar actor, superstar singer, somebody who’s great at whatever their field is. Gets in trouble with their cash and pacino’s issues are not that much different than the ones we’ve seen before. Al Pacino says he went from $50 million to broke by spending too much, ignoring his finances and using an accountant who ultimately went to prison for fraud. [00:35:23] He joins a long list of celebrities who made, get the trifecta, checked all the boxes. Bingo. He enjoyed a long list of celebrities who’ve made and lost vast fortunes during their careers. The Scarface actor 84 detailed a host of money problems and a new autobiography that he’s written called, uh, Sonny Boy. [00:35:41] One of his first cash CES occurred after he finished making The Godfather an MGM studio sued him for taking that role when it had already cast him in a mafia comedy. Imagine being in a mafia comedy and you’re like, no, I gotta go make this other thing instead. Al Pacino got in trouble, OG not for something. [00:36:03] Different than we see with normal people, right? Ignoring your finances, pretending that, hey, if I don’t look at it, everything’s gonna be okay. Never a winning strategy. [00:36:13] OG: Even with earning, what did he say, $50 million or having $50 million? And, uh oh, you’re right. $50 million. Sorry. You know, you can’t out earn bad habits, right? [00:36:22] At the end of the day, it’s like if you’re gonna spend 51 million and you only have 50, you’re still just as broke as the guy that has a hundred thousand. That spends 101. So, or 30,000 that spends all of it. You have to take care of the little things. [00:36:35] Joe: Well, and let’s talk about taking care of the little things, because no matter how much money you have, people get in trouble when you just delegate everything away and don’t pay attention and don’t, don’t take that the wrong way, stackers. [00:36:47] I think having good people in your corner is super important, but I feel like og, you always gotta remember that you’re the CEOI used to tell my clients, I’m a shepherd for their sheep. They own the pasture, they own the sheep. It’s their sheep. Even though you hire a shepherd to watch over stuff, you’re still accountable for whatever that person does. [00:37:08] OG: It’s an interesting analogy. I’ve never heard you use that one before, but I can see you being Bo peep in a heartbeat. Thank you. It’s on brand. [00:37:18] Joe: Didn’t think that one through, apparently. [00:37:21] OG: Did you wear the dress and everything? That’s what I wanna know. I tried It didn’t fit, fit that well. The Goldilocks, [00:37:25] Joe: well, all this golden mane of mine. [00:37:27] Yeah, I know. Way back when. [00:37:28] OG: Sure. I mean, you, you delegate a lot of stuff in your life, right? You delegate the, uh, you know, your health consultations to your physician. You delegate maybe your financial decisions to your financial planner. You delegate tax decisions to your tax planner. CPA, you delegate your estate planning decisions to your state lawyer. [00:37:46] But, but, but all of this is still you, you know, this is still your responsibility and the, the person that’s gonna bear the outcome of what all of these decisions turn into is still gonna be you. So you have to have some level of oversight. You know, this to, to your CEO discussion earlier. It’s like, you know, you can’t just. [00:38:06] Empower all of your people and then never check in and to see how, how they’re doing in accordance with your vision. You’re, you’re the CEO, you need to have the vision of what you want the future to look like. And then, yeah, the day-to-day tasks or whatever, but you still have to check in and have regular, you know, board meetings, so to speak. [00:38:25] Joe: I learned a lot about goal-based planning actually from my clients. I had this great client named Dave, and Dave was, I’m sure an excellent executive during his time at Ford. I just got that feeling. Even the way that he managed our relationship was great. He would sit down OG and he would spot check, and he even told me later on in our relationship, he goes, I can’t know everything about everything, but I have to know enough about how this stuff works so I can ask the important questions. [00:38:56] And his questions were always about, I. What’s our target? How close did we get to it? Are we above it? Are we below it? Why are we there? And then can you show me the sheets? And by the way, he, he shared with me later, he didn’t understand half of the stuff that I showed him later. He, he didn’t get half it. [00:39:15] But the fact that he asked for it made sure that I would be willing to provide anything at any time that he asked for. And he said, that’s important. I wanted to see the look on your face when I asked for, show me the sheets that created this. Show me the stuff that was behind that. And what was interesting. [00:39:31] Then I realized that Dave in his role at Ford was just interested in making a car. Are we ahead of being able to make the car or behind being able to make the car? If we’re behind, I’m gonna recommend one course of action. If we’re ahead, I’m gonna recommend a different course of action. And because he was able to drive that discussion with me and I saw how effective it was, it made me more effective with other clients because I realized that’s all we care about. [00:39:55] Are we ahead of behind toward the goal? [00:39:57] OG: Goal attainment is really the only thing that anybody cares about. Although absent a really polished goal or really focused vision, you know, you drift into other things that you think are important because there’s maybe nothing else to talk about. Or, or if you don’t have a solid goal and yet you’re investing money, what’s the only thing you can talk about with your investments then is investment return. [00:40:19] bit: Yeah, [00:40:19] OG: but return doesn’t matter if, you know, you can have 25% return every year, most people would say that’s fantastic, but if you still don’t have enough money when you get to retirement, who gives a crap about 25%? You know what I mean? Like, that’s what, that’s, you did the wrong thing. You focused on the on the wrong sable like, uh. [00:40:36] My second grade teacher used to say, [00:40:38] Joe: this has been, uh, just a fantastic line of thought I’ve had lately. Oh, which is this idea says you do [00:40:46] OG: tell. [00:40:47] Joe: Yeah. I think it’s amazing. Your results may vary, but I do think that this focus, you know, with Iua here today, it’s an important day for this discussion, but this focus on purpose and what’s driving us and why are we, why are we doing that? [00:41:00] And we had a discussion recently on the show about risk and about why are we assigning risk metrics to our portfolio and not to taking more career risk. Like why, why do I wanna put money from my hard earned savings into a spot and then roll the dice? I worked my ass off to get that money. Like, don’t get me wrong, there’s gonna be some money that’s fun to take to Las Vegas, but if I’m thinking about risk and taking more risk, why do I leave it with my, just my investments? [00:41:28] And by widening your scope in this discussion that we’re having saying, am I ahead or am I behind on the goal? Now I’m thinking of all avenues of achieving the goal. Oh, I’m behind. Maybe I need to ask for a raise. I’m behind. Maybe we need to do a cleanse. Cheryl and I are doing another freezer cleanse. [00:41:47] It’s amazing how quickly, remember we just did this a few months ago where we said, we’re not, we’re not gonna eat anything else until the freezers empty. We did that. I was in the freezer just last week, the freezer’s full again, and Cheryl and I were like, let’s do that cleanse again. It was so fun, by the way, just not thinking about what we’re gonna eat. [00:42:03] OG: Mm. Freezer burn chicken. Delightful. [00:42:08] Joe: What goes good with freezer burn? Oh, I know. Fresh vegetables. But it was really fun planning meals around whatever’s left in the freezer. [00:42:16] OG: Mystery meat. Let’s thaw this package and see what we’re having [00:42:20] Joe: at some point. That also it teaches us, and I thought it would’ve the first time that we did this earlier in the year, it’ll teach Buy a little [00:42:26] OG: slower. [00:42:26] Joe: Yeah. W well do some better meal planning. Because I’m like, how do we end up with all this? Now part of it is we just had hamburgers last night and the reason we had it is you buy a four pack. Sure, and we’re gonna have one each. So we got the second half of the pack. But anyway, maybe we do that, but, but look at all the things that are on the table that don’t include notching up my investment risk. [00:42:47] There’s so many other levers I can pull if I widen out my financial plan. [00:42:52] OG: Well, I think the other piece of that is, is that everything is connected. The decisions you make with your investments are gonna affect your taxes. The decisions you make with your cash reserve or debt pay down strategy are gonna affect your ability to save. [00:43:03] The decisions you make in your estate planning are gonna affect your retirement plan. Your college funding is gonna impact your ability to save for retirement. Most people can’t do both of those things simultaneously at a hundred percent. You know what I mean? You’re sacrificing some years of retirement to put money away for college, and that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. [00:43:22] I think it’s important just to know what you’re doing so that you and your partner or you by yourself, can make the decision with all of the information. And that comes from having, you know, clear vision of what you want the future to be. What, what’s the Roy Disney quote? When your values are clear, your decisions are easy. [00:43:38] Mm. I think that’s really similar when, when it comes to financial planning. When you know what you’re trying to do, then everything else becomes easy. You don’t worry about market fluctuations or election cycles or any of those sorts of things. ’cause you’re like, yeah, I’m on track for my goals, do my stuff. [00:43:54] Joe: This is a lot like physical health. I was just talking to my doctor the other day and we were talking about how. Just getting on the right trajectory with one area of your health can clean up five other problems that you might have had. Pacino says that he sold assets, did seminars, a coffee commercial, and an Adam Sandler movie to stay afloat. [00:44:16] OG: Now, the way that, what are those three things really is bottom of the barrel, right? [00:44:21] Joe: The way that he, the way that this is presented, and I’m assigning a motion to this, but it’s presented like he didn’t wanna do those things. og, like, the better you’re able to manage this money. People are like, I don’t have time. [00:44:35] Well, if you don’t have time now you’re gonna be doing the Adam Sandler movie. [00:44:39] OG: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why? Why do you think that was the bottom of the barrel? One, you’re gonna be doing the seminars or the coffee commercial. You’re [00:44:46] Joe: gonna be doing the coffee co. You’re gonna be doing stuff you don’t wanna do later on if you don’t take care of it today. [00:44:50] OG: That’s the trade. [00:44:51] Joe: That is a good motivator, by the way. Hey, don’t like saving money. Now think about 30 years from now, how are you gonna feel then? Like, just imagine it’s 30 years from now and you did nothing. [00:44:59] OG: You know, I hear people, I find people talk about that, and I’ll be real honest. To me, that has no bearing whatsoever. [00:45:05] I cannot generate the emotion in 30 years from now. Because I, despite, despite my overall demeanor, I do think that the future is hopeful, right? Like, I just, I do think that, you know, the tomorrow will be better than today in the long run. But maybe that’s foolish. It’s just, I, I personally have a hard time when somebody says, if you, you know that, that phrase like, if you can’t save now, imagine yourself it’s 70 with no money. [00:45:27] It’s like, [00:45:28] Joe: eh, it doesn’t do anything for me. Oh, that one got me that one when I was really turning around my financial picture in the late nineties, early two thousands. It was that. It was imagine and now you’re there. Imagine I do nothing. Yeah. You know what’s funny? There’s one that doesn’t get me. That everybody says, I saw this on a video this morning. [00:45:45] A guy saying, what’s the one thing that you would try if you knew you could not fail? That’s the thing you should do. That never resonates with me. And I don’t know if it’s that failure is part of the fun. ’cause that’s when you learn. Like I just, I don’t, I don’t go, oh, now I know what I want to do. When I hear that, and I’ve heard that repeated several times. [00:46:05] OG: Yeah, nah, [00:46:05] Joe: no. [00:46:06] OG: Yeah. Does that do it for you? Did I do any, everything I want to do? I choose, uh, uh, generally. I mean, I just think like, I’m not afraid of that, right? I’m not afraid of not being successful. I don’t think it in the context of like bungee jumping. I’m not scared of bungee jumping. I just don’t want to do it. [00:46:22] And it’s like, well, what if you know you’re well? What the, I’m not scared of splashing to the water at terminal velocity. That’s not the reason I don’t wanna do it. I’m not afraid of it. I just don’t want to, it doesn’t sound fun to me. Well, what if you, what if you knew you wouldn’t fail? I’m pretty sure these guys are pretty sure that I’m not gonna fail at bungee jumping. [00:46:40] They wouldn’t be doing it. It’s just I don’t want to. So, um, yeah, I don’t, some of ’em are a little, a little hokey. So, Pacino’s in his [00:46:49] Joe: late eighties, he says he looked over his books, get This in 2011. [00:46:56] OG: That was the last time [00:46:57] Joe: eventually looked over his books in 2011 when he just returned from an extravagant family getaway in Europe. [00:47:02] And was surprised to see he was wealthier than before. He’d left several other red flags, eventually led him to an accountant who told him he believed his current bookkeeper was an arrogant crook. Turns out he was broke. He went to look at the books, and the books were all cooked. He’s like, how do I just spend all that money? [00:47:19] How do I just spend all that money in Europe and I’m wealthier? I just blew a ton of cash and you’re telling me that it’s even better. Yeah. Hmm. Not good trust, but verify. I think that’s a great place to leave it. We’re gonna dive even more into this topic and into all the lessons from a Lua Arthur in our wonderful newsletter, the 2 0 1 Stacking Benjamins dot com slash 2 0 1. [00:47:43] Deeper conversations about money, tons of curated links. We bring it the day after our Monday and Wednesday shows. Let’s transition before we say goodbye to the back porch, and I got a great email from somebody today. Just as we’re recording this. og. This is from Kat. And Kat says, hi guys. Wow, this is the first time I’ve been on your website and it’s funny how much your images do not match up with the images I’ve had of your appearance based off your voices. [00:48:14] Keep talking. I dunno. I dunno what keep talking means. Does that mean she doesn’t? That That must mean she loves the way we look. I. It must mean [00:48:22] OG: I read that as get your faces off the internet. [00:48:25] Joe: I think that’s what’s, I think that’s what Kat’s saying. [00:48:28] OG: Okay. [00:48:29] Joe: Alright. Anyways, you had casually ask listeners how they automate their savings. [00:48:35] I enjoy having goals that I set yearly, but I sometimes like to make some long-term projection goals just to see how I quote, stack up to these overtime. Now look what she did there this year, I wrote out how long it would take me to reach my first investment million if I increased my pre-tax accounts by my assumed yearly raise of 3% annually and added a hundred dollars extra per month to my brokerage contributions each year, starting at a hundred dollars per month last year. [00:49:03] Looks like I should hit my goal somewhere around 43 to 44. I’m 35 now. I love it. That’s great. Just as a pause, do you love doing that? I love doing that too, Kat. I love like back of the envelope, oh, if I keep doing this thing and I can sustain it at this level for this amount of time, I’m gonna totally be at [00:49:21] OG: whatever. [00:49:22] I think that the only downside there, and I know she talks about this in a second, the only downside is you don’t believe your own math. ’cause you look at that and you go, that can’t be true. That can’t be true. Because if you keep doing that, right, you go 1,000,002 million, 3,000,004, you like just, and you go, eh, it’s off. [00:49:39] Yeah. I don’t know why. Just doesn’t feel right. Doesn’t feel right. [00:49:43] Joe: Yep. She is assuming, by the way, a nice 10% return. Yeah. [00:49:47] OG: Okay. That’s pretty good. [00:49:48] Joe: It is a good return. But if she’s 35 now and she’s looking at uh, seven, eight years, just realize Kat, that over a seven, eight year period. The 10% is sketchy. [00:49:55] Could be seven. Could be eight. Yeah. If you told me 15 years, I’d go. Yep. I then wrote this plan out as a pledge. I love this as a pledge, along with the yearly assumed totals until that first million and thumb tactic above my desk at work. I see it every day and it holds me accountable. That’s pretty badass. [00:50:14] OG: Excellent. Yep. [00:50:15] Joe: No easy feat. When we have a toddler in daycare and another baby due in April, that will require full-time daycare as well. Well, now that you’re having kids, Kat, you’re, you’re learning where the friction is in this whole equation. [00:50:28] OG: That’s right. [00:50:29] Joe: We had two at once. I learned very quickly what a, uh. [00:50:34] What are those bumps in the road? What’s, what a speed bump is? Speed bump. Not even, not even a speed bump. You know when the cop throws the chain across the road and then, uh, your tires go flat. [00:50:45] OG: I don’t have any experience with that personally. [00:50:47] Joe: That’s what it was like. Uh, having twins on my financial accounts [00:50:52] OG: go careening off the edge of the cliff right [00:50:55] Joe: into the ditch. [00:50:56] I just seem to thrive off of self-imposed deprivation to some degree. I like having to think outside the box to make my life less expensive or gain money from other sources. To make up the difference while still freely spending at times to enjoy life experiences. Kat, I love doing that too. When I think about December, how can I make extra money to afford the extra gifts for family, the extra travel we’re gonna do versus having it come outta the budget? [00:51:22] Like it is a fun, fun thing to do. And even if you miss it some years, I make it, some years I miss it. I feel really good about the fact that this extra money’s not coming outta the budget and I just created more. And I think part of that OG leads you to this feeling of the abundance of life. You know that, guess what? [00:51:41] I can create more. And I know, I know that if times get really hard, there’s an inner me that can come out that can make more money. I can do this, I can make it happen. She says the accounts are already ahead of where my projections have me for June of next year, but I realize that this won’t be a linear course. [00:51:59] I also agree with OGs comment that people have to see firsthand money issues to really have motivation to do this for themselves. My parents divorced when I was in middle school. Dad went through bankruptcy and my mom has always lived on credit cards and had some pretty bizarre living situations. We lived in a camper in a friend’s driveway for a summer, and now their son is a medical resident at the hospital. [00:52:21] I work for Awkward [00:52:26] anyway. Oh, Gee’s. Comment may be realized that I might be able to give my kids the greatest headstart one that I didn’t have, but will they care enough about it to carry that legacy forward? How did you navigate this with your own children? Is it more truly caught, good or bad than taught? Great question Kat. [00:52:46] Love by the way, all the stuff that you’re doing. Yeah. So badass. But with your kids, how did you make sure that your kids want to carry that legacy forward? It’s hard to give them stuff and at the same time go, you know what? You gotta work for it. [00:53:00] OG: Well, we have done a really poor job of making our kids work for it except for the fact that we really want them to do well in school. [00:53:06] And maybe that’s the trade. Mom and I will help you with college and we’ll make sure that we do our part there. And your job is to do as well as you can to get scholarships and apply to schools that make sense. And you know, be smart in your decisions there. Like my son is applying to a bunch of different schools and some schools are costing $25,000 a year to go to, and some schools cost 90,000 a year to go to Oh, retail sticker price. [00:53:31] Right, right, right. And it’s like assuming that all things being equal and there’s no grants or aid of any kind or whatever, it’s like, is the a hundred thousand dollars cumulative cost of school a. That much worse off than the 400,000 cumulative cost of school B. And it’s like, are you that much further ahead? [00:53:50] And if there’s a case for that, let’s assume that you are, then how do we, how do we adjust for that? You know? So it’s like there has to be some sort of backend recompense for that big step forward of 25 grand versus 70 or whatever the number is. You know, it’s like I need to look at it from a business decision. [00:54:09] Not uh, but I really like the school colors, you know what I mean? Right. Like, like that’s not a thing. Right. School colors is not a thing [00:54:16] Joe: Nick had to tell us. ’cause he was looking at Carnegie Mellon, outta state private school, great school, but an equally good school in state in Austin, university of Texas. [00:54:28] And when he was making that final decision, Cheryl and I said, we want you to tell us why materially Carnegie Mellon and this much more money that we’re going to spend Yeah. Is going to be worth. All of this extra cost and he couldn’t do it. And because he couldn’t do it, he ended up having a wonderful experience at the University of Texas. [00:54:51] OG: The Orange School orangetown not good. Yeah. So back to Kat’s point or question, it’s like, it’s a balancing act I think between trying to figure out how to give your kids a head start, give ’em a leg up. Yeah. Make sure that they have a different, maybe a, I don’t wanna say better ’cause I think we all have experiences that, that help us move forward, but a different set of challenges and there’s, there’s nothing right about giving your kids a whole bunch of money and they’re off with a proverbial silver spoon. [00:55:22] There’s nothing wrong with it either. It’s just, you know, it’s how you manage that discussion and how you help them understand. I. How that’s going, [00:55:30] Joe: Kat. I think to OGs point, everybody is walking in the fog here. You’re walking the fog, you’re sharing stories. And back on episode 1573, we had John Acuff and John Lanza, two dads and I three dads sitting around having a round table conversation about this very topic about parenting and our fears around parenting and what we think we did right, what we would do different. [00:55:55] Cheryl and I did three, three things specifically. And again, is it right, is it wrong? I think my kids are doing really well now. They’re 29 years old, have had a fantastic twenties. I look at, they’ve had very different experiences, the two of them. But I look at them directionally and I think that, that they’re doing well. [00:56:13] Thing one we did was they had jobs. Having jobs for us was something that we wanted our kids to do. They, I wanted them to get a leg up on the working world. Also, when you’re in high school, you’re gonna have the crappy job, and I think a lot of times people haven’t had the crappy job. It’s easy to, you’ve been a restaurant with somebody that crap’s all over the waiter and you’re like, you’ve never had a rotten job, have you? [00:56:32] You’ve never had a job where you’re serving other people. And so they had some pretty rotten jobs in high school. That was number one. Number two was we included them in the money discussions. They weren’t in on every weekly meeting that Cheryl and I had, but we had them in there a lot so that they kind of knew what we worried about as adults when it came to money. [00:56:51] And then the third one was we also realized that Cheryl and I. They’re gonna roll their eyes to some degree. Oh, it’s dad. Oh, it’s mom. Like my kids knew what I did. They know my background. So they know that this stuff is stuff I’m good at discussing, but they don’t want to hear dad preach about it. So I introduced them to people that were a little closer to their age. [00:57:11] I. And, uh, who I thought might be good mentors for them. And it’s funny because my daughter really took to Aaron Lowry, broke millennial and loves Aaron’s brand and everything she talked about, about not being a broke millennial. My son Nick, as people know that, heard our show live from Camp Phi last week during the off week we replayed uh, my interview of my son. [00:57:33] If you didn’t hear that, go back and listen. Last week to my interview with him, I introduced him to Scott Trench from BiggerPockets and Scott’s book Set for Life. And Nick was like, I want to be a bajillionaire. ’cause Scott’s a bajillionaire. And being able to introduce them to other people that aren’t you, whether you do what I do or you just see people in your community and go, you know what, Hey, maybe we’ll take Mrs. [00:57:55] So-and-so to coffee, who owns the flower shop? ’cause she seems to be rocking. Or we’ll take Mr. So-and-so out for lunch and pick his brain. Being able to introduce them to influential people to see what they did at a young age, I think is, uh, is a good idea. So those are the three things we did. Kat, obviously you’re starting off on the right foot. [00:58:13] You know why? ’cause you’re asking the question. So many people OG aren’t even asking this question. Right? Thanks for that note, Kat. By the way, if you’ve got a note for us, a great way to do it is, uh, the segment we do on Wednesday. Better call sa. See. Hi and og. I love this note. If you wanna send me a note, it’s just Joe at Stacking Benjamins dot com. [00:58:32] But leaving us a voicemail means you’re gonna get the swag and I’ve got the new swag. og, I’m wearing it today. See that nice thing on the back on the front? Very comfortable. New Stacking, benjamin swag Stacking Benjamins dot com slash voicemail. Alright, that’s gonna pretty much do it for today. I’ve got just two more things. [00:58:48] Number one is if, if you’re not here to talk about kids and money or about just saving money, but the thing that we really talked about with Al Pacino today and with a Lua Arthur with Al Pacino, it was making sure you’re the CEO with a Lua Arthur. It’s because you’ve got bigger goals, you’ve got a bigger life to live. [00:59:07] And so living that bigger life means taking control if you need your plan to dovetail better. OG and his team are taking clients so had to Stacking Benjamins dot com slash og. Stacking Benjamins dot com slash og. That’s the link to get on OGs schedule with he and his team so that you can see how they can interface with you to make better decisions. [00:59:27] That’s obviously not the last thing we need to say. A special shout out again to our veterans. Thank you so much for all that you’ve done. Thanks for being a part of our community. We appreciate you so much, Doug. I think you got it from here, man. What should we have learned today? [00:59:43] Doug: So what’s stacked up on our to-do list for today? [00:59:47] First, take some advice from a Lua Arthur in the words of the great Jack Welch from General Electric. There are times some more than others when it’s time to accept reality as it is not as you hoped it will be, or wished it were. Second, take some advice from our profile of Al Pacino’s situation. We are advocates for getting help, but remember, you are still the CEO of your life. [01:00:12] But the big lesson, don’t try to tell Joe’s mom’s stories of your Southeast Bahamas state days. She’ll push you off that stage in a hurry with her own college day stories. Who knew you could take a horse and buggy to college? It was a joke, mom, God. And it looks like I’m washing windows again, thanks to the amazing a Lua Arthur for being our Monday mentor today. [01:00:41] Her new book is called Briefly Perfect Human Making An Authentic Life By Getting Real About the End. We’ll include links in our show notes at Stacking Benjamins dot com. This show is the Property of SB podcasts LLC, copyright 2024, and is created by Joe Saul-Sehy. Joe gets help from a few of our neighborhood friends. [01:01:03] You’ll find out about our awesome team at Stacking Benjamins dot com, along with the show notes and how you can find us on YouTube and all the usual social media spots. Come say hello. Oh yeah, and before I go, not only should you not take advice from these nerds, don’t take advice from people you don’t know. [01:01:22] This show is for entertainment purposes only. Before making any financial decisions, speak with a real financial advisor. I’m Joe’s Mom’s Neighbor, Duggan. We’ll see you next time back here at the Stacking Benjamin Show. [01:02:25] OG: We voted yesterday, the guy who was collecting the ballots had a very nondescript polo shirt on with. Embroidery above the pocket here with gold jump wings and a scuba bible, which is basically recon Marines. The, yeah, and just old dude. And I go gold jump wings and scuba bubble Phi, recon marine. He’s like, he kinda looks at me, he is like, oh, dev dog, what’s, you’re the only one that’s noticed this so far. [01:02:51] I said, yeah, I bet. It was just very, you know, ’cause sometimes subtle, see, sometimes people wear like a little pin or something like that, and you, you know, if you know, you know, if you don’t, you don’t. And uh, yeah, just this old, old Vietnam vet, probably not, uh, old enough to be World War II or Korea, but, uh, certainly Vietnam and said, sweet dude. [01:03:11] Nice work, nice work.
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